I've Changed.

So, I'm officially a year into this thing. I have one more year to go, and I know it will all be downhill from here. I'm filled with mixed emotions. Excited knowing I will see family and friends in the somewhat near future, and yet sadness knowing that the ache in my heart for Africa will come back as soon as I step back on American soil. I cannot express to you how much I love this place. I know that it has been hard being here alone, and there are incredibly frustrating things about a culture that I will never fully understand, but I LOVE this place.

I was thinking back over how I have changed these past 12 months…There are things about me that of course will never probably change: clumsiness, chick flick enthusiast, love for shoes, and easily excited about little things.

But there has been other things change about me that I guess somewhat took me by surprise. Some are kinda funny…

For example, just a few minutes ago I made a smoothie using expensive strawberries, expensive yogurt, expensive milk, and not very expensive ice. As soon as I filled my cup, I knocked it over on the counter (see? my clumsiness is still there). I looked at it quite distressingly. So, I did the only thing I could do. I scraped it across the counter, back into my cup, and continued to enjoy my treat. I would NEVER have done that in America. Counters kind of gross me out (thanks mom for that!).  In fact, I used to get onto my dad for putting the bread for his sandwich directly on the counter. Ew.  But now, I'm enjoying a drink that has been scraped across my counter.

Another example: I made a GREAT cup of coffee…sat down on my porch to enjoy in, and just happen to look down and see a tiny little fly in it….yep, I drank it anyway…fly and all.

Or when I found about 20 ants in my sugar?? Used the sugar, ants and all.

Or the fact that I WILL dance very expressively during the singing at church. There's just no other way to do it. :)

I talk to myself constantly and carry on conversations with my dogs like they can answer me or understand what I'm saying.

I've changed in the fact that I'm living in a house alone, paying/taking care of my workers, and cooking everything from scratch. All things I've never done before.

But I know there have been changes in me in more serious ways than just eating gross stuff, things that I pray have changed permanently, and I won't revert back to what I was/thought before when I get back home.

Like my relationship with the Lord…how I've learned to depend on Him just to breathe everyday.

Or to be mission-minded with every person I meet, every conversation I have, every situation I'm in.

To understand that clothes, always looking "good", and being consumed with how I appear on the outside is so worthless. Sure, its nice to dress up, but not being consumed with it…that my beauty comes from humility, a quiet spirit, and Jesus shining from within.

To have endless patience with my students, and not get frustrated when they don't catch on a quickly as I want them to.

That I need to be concerned with my brothers and sisters in Christ around me who may need help…orphans, widows, the homeless….realizing that hoarding things is greed and selfishness.

And finally, that my ONLY purpose in this life is to bring glory to our amazing, sweet, precious, merciful, Alpha and Omega, Savior. So if that means coming back on the field in a more terrifying place than this one, never getting married, or never step back on this continent that love, well…that is what He has called me to do.

I guess the question for yourself would be, What has He called you to do? and possibly, Why aren't you doing it?

In the words of a band, Jesus Culture,

"Though the world sees and soon forgets,
We will not forget who You are, and what You've done for us!"