Just yesterday as I drove the gorgeous landscape from Lilongwe to Mzuzu, I was already starting to mourn leaving this country, these people. Yes, its 11 months away, but I know that will be here before I'm ready. It is hard for me to imagine being back in my own country surrounded by Wal-marts and Chick-fil-A's. Well, sometimes it's not that hard, but to think about STAYING there, and not coming back…that just makes my heart ache. I wish I could explain to you the feeling that even though you were born American, somehow, in some strange way, you feel more at home half-way across the world.
Then today, I'm baking in my kitchen, making pickles, freezing some strawberries, and listening to my music…and my heart hurts to see the people back home, wishing I was doing all of those things in my kitchen back in my apartment in Greenville.
I know it sounds like I'm so fickle, but I think it's a matter of missing just the people. if I could just transport everyone from back home, to here, I think that would be so blissful.
That statement right there convinces me that happiness is not dependent on things. I don't have a mall to go shopping in, a place where I can get everything I want…yet I love living here. I have less clothes and shoes that I possibly have ever had in my life, and yet…I'm happy with what I have.
What am I going to do when I'm back living in America, where no one really understands what I've been through over here; you are different, and they are different and things will never be like there were before.
That's a really scary thought for me.
Will I change back into the old Lauren?
And how will I take living back in the land of plenty?
You can never really understand "land of plenty" until you've lived in a third world country. Example, right now I'm sitting here on my couch, watching my gardener's 12 year-old daughter wash the clothes in a wheelbarrow and hang them on a tree to dry.
I guess all these questions will be answered all too soon.
And I know that all things that are worth doing, that have the greatest reward, don't come without sacrifices.
And I know that if all my friends and family were here with me, then that would have changed this experience tremendously…I wouldn't be the person that I am now.
And that change is a part of life.
I just don't think I'm ready for that change quite yet.
I hear your heart, sweet daughter. Through all these things, God is molding you to be the person He needs you to be. When you left, I remember thinking and wondering what changes you would go through, how He would use every single experience/situation. From my perspective, He's already done "exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think". And He won't stop. :-)
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