Do I have a wing in my teeth?

My good friend Kathryn and her family live in Uganda. She blogs all the time (way more consistent than me) and she always does a good job of explaining life overseas, like little everyday things that I guess us living over here take for granted...like hand plowing fields, women carrying wood on their head, a baby on their back, walking uphill, and crocheting all at the same time. Anyway, you should check out her blog sometime...(its on my sideboard - Livin' the Good Life).

So, I mention Kat because this post is kinda like that. I hadn't really thought twice about the flying ant season this year, but I figured I would share that experience with you because it isn't something we experience in America.

Maggie and I decided to go out to eat the other night. Taryn, one of the friends I saw in Madrid, thought it was quite funny about the 5 places I have to choose from to eat at here in Mzuzu.
So here they are:
Foodland
A1 Indian Cusine
Graceland (malawian cusine)
Hot n' Spice Indian Cusine
Big Bite
(They basically all sell the same thing: Chicken n' chips or nsima.)

Well, Foodland is the new "hip" place in town so we decided to go there. It is owned by an Iranian guy and they sell the typical chicken n' chips, nsima, the african version of pizza, and that's pretty much it. Well, as we walked into the restaurant since it was dusk, the flying ants were everywhere, and they were really attracted to the lights.

As we were standing there talking to one of the waitresses, white ants are flying all around us. I felt them crawling up my legs, hit me in the face, and land in my hair ...you just kind of ignore them. They are covering the floor, and you can't really step without stepping on one of them. No lie: I saw one guy just kind of pick it off him and eat it. heh.

I mean, can you imagine that happening in the states? Talk about not getting an "A" for the health code! I think the most bizarre part was that I was okay with it and it seemed pretty normal.

Side note: the 60 year-old Iranian guy that runs the place? I thought he was just being nice and chatting with us all that time...nope. Find out later its because he wants me to be his wife.

And that my friends is another reason I'm now wearing my fake engagement ring!

Ooo! I smell steak!

I had a bit of a rough afternoon the other day. One of those days where not much seems to go right...

I had finished school with the boys. It went fine. No problems there. It has been serious rainy season here, and I'm as pale as a ghost because of the cloud coverage everyday. I haven't seen the sun since November! But that day was paticularly sunny and gorgeous.

We have a retreat at the lake at the end of March, so I was attempting to build up a bit of sun resistance so I don't turn into a lobster the first few hours I'm there...so I decided to go outside, sit in my chair basking in the sun's rays, and read a book.

Well, while I was thoroughly enjoying my Lori Wick novel, my Jack Russell was just barking and barking and barking just on the other side of the flower bed.

I finally got up to try and make her stop, when I saw what she was barking at: a green snake.

My first thought was MAMBA! He was much smaller than my previous one, only about 2 feet long. I called and called at the top of my lungs for my gardener to come and help me. But no one came running. The kids just looked at me like I was screaming crazy Mzungu things, which I guess I was... So, I finally gave up and decided to deal with it on my own.

I ran and got a shovel and a stick.
Now, the stick was to hold down his head so I could analyze him and see if it was a harmless green snake or a green mamba (a.k.a one of the most poisonous snake in the world). I got his head pinned down and inspected this thing for a good 3 minutes, but I just couldn't tell him his head was as flat as a mamba's is supposed to be.

I figured that a one dead green harmless snake was better than letting a Mamba go free, so I chopped him in half and carried him away. (I found out later it was just a harmless green snake). Right as I was putting the snake away my gardener appeared. Talk about timing.

So, I decide to head inside from my little snake adventure.
I had bought some fresh green peanuts in the market and I wanted to boil some. Unfortunately, my housekeeper wasn't aware of a southerner's affinity for "boy-eld pee-nuts" so she had shelled them for me.
I figured I would try and boil just the nuts...I mean, it couldn't hurt right?

So, I put the nuts in some water and salt and threw them on my stove on high. I watched them for a bit and then realized I needed to pee. So, I went and did that  (sorry, is that too much information?), but while I was in my room, I totally pulled a ADD classic move....

I saw my computer on my bed and thought, "Oo! I didn't finish that NCIS Season 2 episode last night! I should watch that before dinner!"

So, I pulled up my computer and started watching a 45 minute episode. Now, my windows are open and my fan is on in my room. I have a great crossbreeze going through my room. About half-way through the show, I notice it smells like someone is cooking steaks in my backyard. "Mmm, I thought...that smells so good! I should do a braii one of these days!"

I kept watching my show, and when I finally finished it, the smell of something cooking over a fire was really strong. I stuck my head out of my window to see if it was my gardener, but the smell was not strong outside at all. I thought that was a bit weird.

I turned around and looked into the room across the hall and saw it filled with smoke. I ran into there to see if there was a fire outside the window but there was nothing.

So, I came into the hallway and was shocked to see my entire hallway was filled with smoke! It was so thick that I thought my house was on fire. The only way to get out of my house was through the kitchen, so I really thought I was going to be stuck. I ran up the hallway and looked in all the rooms thinking that my house going down in flames. The smoke was incredibly thick! I ran into the kitchen only THEN did I actually remember that I had put peanuts on the stove over 45 mins ago!

There was no fire, just very, very, very burned nuts in the bottom of my pot on the stove.

I finally got the smoke cleared out.
When I walked into the Laffoon's house that night, Lisa said, "What smells like smoke?"
It was ME!
5 days later, my house still smells like smoke.

I tell you what, my guardian angels should get paid overtime.

whoa...it's March?

I can't go to the hotel to do my internet anymore because a young fellow has decided that he loves me and tends to wait around for me there. So that has seriously cut into my internet time.

Also, I feel like not much has been going on that is "blog" worthy.

And Mr. Laffoon just told me that he needs the internet, so we'll just put stories of my house filled with smoke, killing another mamba, being attacked my flying bugs while eating my food at a restaurant, and Sunday in a grass hut on hold.

I'm coming back...I promise.

Love,

Lauren

My Chilins

I would like to introduce you to some of my favorite people in Mzuzu. Each week I try to go to the Crisis Nursery to hang out with some of the sweetest little babies you ever did see. These kiddos are kind of everything from cast-offs to just orphans with families too poor to care for them after their mother's death. So this nursery takes in newborns - toddlers...then makes sure they have a good home to go back to, or an orphanage that will take them.

This sweet smile and fat cheeks is Barnabus. I love that smile. He is such a happy baby. He should be heading out soon, but I don't think there is a good place for him to go. But it means I get to see him longer! :)

This little boy in green in my arms is Allen. He just got to the nursery 3 weeks ago after his mother buried him alive. Yes, you read that right. Some others saw her in the cemetery and wondered what she was digging in there for. After she left, they went in, and dug up a baby. I can't believe it.

There are many more of the previous children here that I get to love on all the time. One of my favorites is Glory but she is home now in a village...she is the one on my facebook profile.

This is such a sweet part of my day!

What am I doing?

I've tried writing a blog on my time in Spain...but my heart just wasn't in it. So I deleted it.

Then I tried writing one on how I've been doing emotionally as my time is coming to a close, but the theme was pretty much whining. So I deleted that one.

So how 'bout I just ramble and see where it goes?
I'm sitting in a hotel right now trying to send in some documents to my company and the internet isn't being friendly. I've sat here for about an hour and half trying to attach a word document, and it still hasn't attached yet.

I've been in a very contemplative mood lately...thinking about my time here...what it will be like back home in America...wondering how I"m going to put my two years over here into words...

I was reminded this week of the "missionary sacrifice." I'm missing an event back in America that I never thought I would miss, and it hurt my heart deeply. I've missed many of the past year, but for some reason this one seem to just pierce my heart.
When I heard it, it made me want to wallow, wallow, wallow in how hard my life is. Ha. I know...how lame is that? All I have to do is look out my window and see more people than I can count whose life is harder than mine.

Jeremy and I are reading Numbers in Bible class and I get so frustrated at the Israelites for how many times they complain! And when I pouted and cried because I didn't get my way with the timing of this event happening, I realized I was just like another Israelite in the wilderness complaining to the Lord.
Its during these times when I think.. "Will I really be able to living overseas for a long periods of time? without my family? Missing all the fun/momentous occasions back home? Am I really will do that for you Lord?"

So of course, all day today He's put songs on my Ipod (Hillsongs "Arms Open Wide") and phone call from friends (Gordon) who just lay down God's truth on me.

Gosh...this is HARD.
Living overseas can really SUCK sometimes.
*attention: in case you already didn't know, I'm NOT a super Christian. I fail more than the rest and trust me, so many people could have done a better job over here.

I think I've decided I'm coming home in October.
And now I'm laughing at WhenParentsText.com

And here's where I"ll end my rambling.

Can I Keep Him?

Mom? Can I have a new pet? Please?
He was just there on the side of the road...looking all helpless. And I really think he likes me...especially my hair. 


I'll take him outside!
I'll feed him!
I'll give him baths!


And he's just so cute with his two independent eyes rolling around in all directions...and they way his little prehensile tail winds its way around my fingers...


And the way he changes colors with his moods...


Can I keep him? Please mom?

Why Does It Always Have to be Snakes?

I could be really spiritual and say that I haven't blogged in over a month because I'm fasting from it…or I could go with the typical excuse and say that I've been busy…or I could go with the African excuse and blame the internet.

But let's just be honest: I'm lazy.

So, now that I've had my sabbatical, my fingers are rested, and I'm ready to get back to my blog.

I'm promise you nothing exciting has happened….except for when one of the most poisonous snakes in the world was in my backyard…oh, and I went to Spain..but other than that…NOTHING has been going on.

Since the green mamba happened back at the beginning of January, I'll start there.

Maureen (my gardener's daughter) and her friend knocked on my back door wanting to take pictures with me. Before you start to think I'm either extremely egocentric or a huge celebrity, the real reasons were
a) because they are very fascinated with my camera and
b) they like to look at the pictures of themselves

So, we sat on my back steps and took pictures. Quite fun. I taught Maureen how to hold the camera and take a picture. Unfortunately, she doesn't seem to have a knack for photo taking…which we will bear witness to later on.

Back to the story: we have taken about 10 photos when all of a sudden her friend says something very seriously in chichewa and points. Maureen looks frightened and turns to look. What? What? I asked.

MAMBA! They yelled. I looked and about 15 ft away from us was a long, long, long green snake with his head and about a foot of its body off the ground just slithering and being all creepy-like. (for the record, all snakes are Mambas to Malawians)

I ran to the storage closet and got a shovel while Maureen ran and got her father and mother.

Austin, her dad, came running and immediately started throwing rocks at it as hard as he could. Some would hit it and some wouldn't, but the snake started to get mad and started slithering real fast.

So, here's whats going on in my mind.

1. I have a shovel with a very short handle….
2. I could be this really cool girl and run and chop the snake in half.
3. If it bites me I will be the stupid girl who ran and tried to chop the snake in half and died.

So, i just ran with the shovel over my head after the snake keeping back far enough, but close enough to get a good whack in when I felt it was safe.  It kinda looked like I was fencing with a shovel.

Austin is still throwing rocks at the snake but it hasn't stunned it enough. Now, its headed straight for their house.

Let me put in a brief side note here: Africans are TERRIFIED of snakes. They believe that they are pretty much the devil himself and that all snakes are bad.

Ahem, continuing on…so Mama Chirwa sees what needs to be done and does it:
She picks up a rock, pulls her arm back like she's in Rookie of the Year, and hurls a rock at that snake so hard, I barely even see it happen. WHAP! She hit that sucker dead on. That woman is a BEAST!

I felt it was stunned fairly well enough for me to move in. So I preceded to chop the junk out of that sucker. I just kept hacking away.

After it was sufficiently dead, I raised the shovel above my head and yelled in my best Braveheart voice I could muster.

The Africans thought it was hilarious. They also think I'm a little crazy.

And now…you will see why Maureen not quite understanding how to take a picture just a few minutes before was such bad timing…

She was the one with the camera during the adventure.

And here's the only pictures we got of the snake. I tried to crop them so you could at least see it.





After this, Austin told me: "Mama, the snake would have killed us and would have tried to hurt us because the moon is on this half of the sky. That means, the devils come and bewitch the snakes during this time."

Shows a lot about the culture huh?